September 18, 2010 /

So, a couple of nights ago, I was wired. Like, dancing-in-my-friend’s-kitchen wired. Grabbing-my-husband-and-jumping-all-around-him wired. Everything was funnier, happier, tastier, brighter. I couldn’t believe how happy I was. I hadn’t been that happy since my wedding day, which was over a year ago. And that’s just sad. How can someone’s life be so miserable that they don’t even feel happy?

Before, when my husband would make jokes, I’d go through the motion of laughing. When hanging out with friends, I would put on the happy face, but inside be dreading the next day. But now, I have weekends to look forward to, instead of with dread. I have nights with my husband that are free of anxiety. NO ONE should have to go through this just for a job. No. one.

Like I said in a previous post, I tried to change the way I thought about things but when I couldn’t, I knew I had to leave. It was trickling into everyday life. Actually, it wasn’t trickling… it was flooding. You want to know the turning point? I had a student write me an email and in it, he talked to me like he was my boss. A student. A student told me what I needed to do and how I should do my job. Ohhhhhh no. Nuh uh. I was done. From that moment on, I made it my life’s mission to get out of there. I wasn’t going to be talked to like that by a student.

And now here I am. The new job is going to be hard, yes… but that’s ok. I’m not afraid of hard work, I’m afraid of being made out to be a failure for trying my hardest. And that’s not going to happen here.

I’m happy. I’m whole. I’m here.

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