I’ve got a rant today. Maybe not so much a rant, but a pointed observation towards the cliche that all husbands are useless and boorish.
The Hubs and I have been doing the Love Dare. It’s like the worst name ever for something but when it’s good, it’s great and when it’s bad it’s embarrassing. And not for ways you might think.
We did this Dare off and on last year and for the most part I enjoyed it. When I asked the Hubs about it last night he was like, “yeah, I remember it being weird like this”.
Basically, there’s a reading once a day for 40 days. There are guidelines for being a good husband/wife and there are Scripture passages to back up the points. There is also a dare at the end. I like the dares. I’m definitely good with the dares. Yesterday’s dare was to buy something during the day that showed you were thinking of your spouse. I bought him some more drinks for his lunches and be bought me my all-time favorite licorice from Trader Joe’s. I’m totally down with the dares when they’re like that.
We usually do the reading the night before the dare. So, while yesterday’s dare was day 3, we read Day 4 last night and so dare 4 is today. We were reading Day 4 last night and it really started to irk me. Allow me to demonstrate:
“But for most couples, things begin to change after marriage. The wife finally has her man; the husband has his trophy. The hunt is over and the pursuing done.” Trophy? TROPHY!? Like the woman is all, “whew. That’s over and done with. I don’t have to worry about him running away now” and the guy is like, “look at the hot piece that I ended up with.” NO.
“Let’s be honest. Men struggle with thoughtfulness more than women. A man can focus like a laser on one thing and forget the rest of the world. Whereas this can benefit him in that one arena, it can make him overlook other things that need his attention.” It then goes on to show how great women are and how much better we are at multi-tasking. Sure, that’s great but this is seriously kicking the guys when they’re down.
“A woman deeply longs for her husband to be thoughtful. It is a key to helping her feel loved. When she speaks, a wise man will listen like a detective to discover the unspoken needs and desires her words imply. If, however, she always has to put the pieces together for him, it steals the opportunity for him to demonstrate that he loves her.” Wow. Ok. So in our relationship, I pretty much say how I’m feeling. In fact, Hubs is usually so tuned to how I’m feeling that he knows when I’m upset before I realize I’m upset. I’m pretty transparent and don’t hide my feelings well.
I don’t know, the whole reading just bugged me. I think I married one of the most thoughtful people ever. And that’s because he was raised right. I was also looking for a thoughtful person because my dad is a thoughtful husband and father. I rolled over to the Hubs last night and said, “Today’s reading is crap. I have to tell you to STOP doing the dishes or folding laundry because I was going to do it. I don’t have to tell you to do things”. He agreed.
I don’t say all this to show off and be all, “My husband is the best thing since sliced bread and he’s better than all your husbands.” He’s awesome, that’s for sure and I don’t take it for granted. But it really makes me uncomfortable to read these words to a man who doesn’t think twice about taking my car for an oil change or doing laundry because he sees that the hamper is overflowing. A man who is so incredibly supportive and encouraging of my dreams that he will put other purchases on hold so I can further my business aspirations. It’s just this sweeping generalization that all husbands are brainless and selfish and the women are always right.
Trust me, I’m no saint. But I think of our friends and family that have been shining examples of how a husband should act. My dad, my late father-in-law, my uncles, and our married friends. They put their wives and kids first. Don’t give me this crap that I have to spell everything out for my husband. He can spell perfectly well on his own.