Going Back

I’m typing this with a heavy heart tonight.  I have to keep reminding myself not to be so dramatic, but tomorrow is the day that has been a blinking red date since April 18th.  I have to go back to work full time tomorrow.  Tears keep coming to my eyes and I’ve been hugging Sawyer extra tight tonight.  Throughout the day, I found I was trying to distance myself from him.  Maybe to get a jump on the good bye?  But tonight, giving him his bedtime bottle, I didn’t want it to end.  He was happy to stay up a little longer, and so was I.

I understand that I’m not going away forever.  It’s only 9 hours a day and I get to see him in the morning, at night and on the weekends.  But we had such a fun summer together.  I’m not going to romanticize it though.  There were definite hard days, days where I called my mom crying, poured out crazy long email rants to my sister-in-law, texted my husband to see if he could come home sooner.  But at the end of the day, it was always a little sad to put him to bed knowing that it was one day less of my maternity leave.

To end on a happy note, I have many things I’m grateful for:

*An amazing husband that has 2 more weeks off of work.  It makes the return to work tomorrow a little easier.

*Our families who always made an effort to come visit.

*Friends who would come over throughout the weeks just to visit, hold him, bring dinner.

*A job that let me have so much leave time, and a job to come back to.

*Supportive coworkers that took on my work while I was out.  I can’t tell them how much I appreciate it. (I’m sure I’ll get an earful tomorrow!)

*A beautiful, happy, healthy, hilarious child that has brightened our lives more than I can say (oh dear, I’m tearing up again).

It’s been a wonderful 3 months and there is still so much to look forward to.  I know we’ll all fall into a routine eventually.  Any working mamas want to help a sister out?  What made your first day (week, month, etc) back easier?

Our latest family picture.  I grew up riding this train in Balboa Park and was so excited (and emotional) about Sawyer taking his first ride!